fighter.

"I’m not a fighter. I usually smile and then go into my room and cry my eyes out." - Carol Diahann Johnson

Clearly, Carol was talking about me when she said this.

My mom is awesome and pretty much my hero. My family harasses us that we are too much alike. I would describe us as becoming the same person (rather me becoming her) with the key (rather important) difference being that she is far less emotional (sensitive) than I am. Maybe she was born like this, or maybe she has had 28 more years to practice.... either way, I have not picked up on this trait. I hope that one day I can learn to be more like her in this regard... passionate and driven without letting my emotions get the best of me.

Until I figure this out, I will stick to faking it. Outside I will smile and put up a tough front...save those tears for those who love me anyways, crazy emotions and all.

reminders.

(Back to today.)

Now that I am caught up to posting what I had jotted down while we were gone, I find myself thinking about what I missed, what has meant the most to me so far. I feel like I have been here so long and yet so short a time.... ten weeks have passed in the blink of an eye...

I expected to come and be slightly miserable and in a hurry to get home and through the next four and a half years. What I have gotten could not be further from that. I never expected that I would end up in the middle of a response to one of the worst disasters of our time. The Admiral came to visit our crew today... he talked about how this is history in the making.... not in the good way, but in the way that this disaster will forever shape Japan and much of the world.

He talked to our crew not because he had to but because he wanted to remind them that the work they have been doing is important and truly made a difference. He was on board maybe an hour... such a small thing but such a large gesture. This showed me what a good thing it can be to be reminded that your work is important...that you are helping to accomplish something worthwhile. I spent my whole life thus far chasing a goal to do something where I could make a difference and help others...what a great reminder today was that you can help in all sorts of ways, even when you least expect to...

I may not be doing anything special on my own, but I know that the combined efforts of all of us out here made a difference to at least some people. And THAT makes it all worth the effort. 

Turns out the things I am finding that I most want to hold onto from this experience are not what I am doing, but what I am learning. Lesson today: Remind the people you work with that they and the work they do is important. This goes a long way to make tough days less painful and worth the trouble.

christmas.

Today (Saturday) I got my furniture. It was like having Christmas in April. This is quite the event for me, having made my first major independent purchase and now seeing the fruits of it. Life in my apt is still a bit of a disaster.... pics to come upon organization!!

homecoming.

Home at last. Well at least temporarily. (On Friday.)

I never thought I would be so pumped about just a couple days to spend in my little Japanese apartment alone. After the past few weeks of ups and downs with work and the world, a few hours of peace was just what i needed. 

Alone-time is not something I often look for...this weekend I relished in it.

learning.

The past few weeks have taught me just how much there is that I do not know.... people, life, and especially job.  And, surprisingly, I am completely ok with it. This is like being in school everyday, with all labs, and no final exam periods.  Everyday is a new task and a new goal to accomplish. All of it is hands on; just jump in and learn it. And the best part is that I know that I will not have to sit down for hours to fill out engineering paper and bluebooks.

Maybe I have found the type of learning I should have been doing all along….

prayer.

I have the best Granny out there. Fact. 

I love my grandparents dearly. While at Auburn, I was lucky enough to only be a couple hours away and able to see them pretty frequently. Granny was often my “second parent” at Auburn parent events. From Japan I no longer have that luxury. Luckily, Granny is quite email-savvy.  Last week, while I was just beginning to recover from the previously mentioned plague, she emailed me telling me that she and her friends at church are praying for me. 

Such a little thing can mean so much and come just when you need to hear it the most….

the plague.

Getting sick on a ship is like being sick in the dorms; everyone looks at you like you are carry the plague and might bring the end to life as we know it. Thanks a lot to my defective immune system.